Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
