the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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