i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
