I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
