I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
