I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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