Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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