You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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