3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
