Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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