Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
