What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
