Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
