Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...

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(515): View more from Iowa

This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.

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(630): View more from Illinois

it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

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(301): View more from Maryland

He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.

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(818): View more from California

WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.

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(716): View more from New York

Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.

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