Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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