After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
