shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
