Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
