I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
