Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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