i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
