"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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