your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
