we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
