i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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