O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
