are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
