u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
