I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
