Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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