so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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