1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
