Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
