she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
