Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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