all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You left your phone here
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