Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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