we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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