It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
