dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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