no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
