O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
