you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
