Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Mom said you looked used
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
