Well douche your snatch and let's go!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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