I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
