I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
