I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
