She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
