so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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